Remember, There's Always Hope
by xXHopelessly DevotedXx
Summary: She knows he's off-limits, but you can't control these things, can you? Her brother would kill her, but she still couldn't help it. She finally knew the true meaning of her namesake. Believe. Dream. Trust. Hope. There's always hope.
1. Hope

Hope is a pretty powerful thing when you think about it. Some people go through their whole lives on hope. A hope to get out, a hope to things will get better, a hope just to be happy: any hope can give a person the will to live. That's what mom said, at least.

_You know, Hope, you've got an awful lot to live up to," mom said, coming to join me on my bed._

"_I do?" I was confused. "Why?"_

"_Well, Hope Randle, I'll tell you why. It's because of your name." I gave her another confused look; I was only ten and didn't really understand what she possibly could have meant. So, she continued. " Well, sweetheart, sometimes life can deal a person a real bad hand, and that person can think they have no way out. Sometimes, all that person can do is __hope__ things will get better. If a person has a hope, they have something to live for, and that's why you're so special to me. The world needs more hope. Hope guides you, comforts you, and gives you the will to go on: that's what you are. Remember that for me. Remember, no matter how bad things get, there's always hope. There's always hope," she repeated as she tucked me in. She sat there for a while, gently stroking my hair. She kissed me on the forehead and said, "You give me a reason to live, Hope. I love you." Then, she walked out of my room and went to kiss Steve goodnight._

_The next morning, Steve woke up. He looked scared. I didn't even have time to get shoes on as he pulled me out of bed, downstairs and into dad's car. We went to the hospital. Someone robbed the corner store and pulled a gun-Mom got shot as she tried to leave. Dad wouldn't even look at us as the doctor walked away. Steve put his arm around me and whispered, "Mommy's with the angels, now."_

I blinked back tears as I resumed staring at the stars once more. I may not have known what she meant when I was ten, but I sure do now.


	2. Chapter One: Waiting

"_Hope begins in the dark, the stubborn hope that if you just show up and try to do the right thing, the dawn will come."_

_Anne Lamott_

Chapter One: Waiting

Hope glanced down at her watch for what seemed like the hundredth time that night. 2:25. She closed her eyes and took a deep breath. Hope had been sitting on her roof waiting for Steve to come back from the rumble for about an hour. She would have preferred to be waiting inside her house on this particularly chilly night, but their dad was on one of his drunken rages and she wasn't exactly in the mood for confrontation; Hope and Steve made it a habit to climb up onto the roof whenever their dad was drinking.

_Unless, of course, Steve decides to get wise, talk back, and get dad angry. Then we end up gettin' lost for the night. _Hope thought.

Hope pulled her mother's quilt tighter around her body. That quilt was all she had left of her mother; her mother gave it to Hope and Steve the Christmas before she died. It took her all year to finish, and they loved it. Hope made the mistake of teasing Steve about getting all excited over a quilt a week later when he and Soda stopped by after work, which earned her a glass of water in the face; Soda just sat there laughing, making Hope want to throw something at him.

Hope yawned and glanced up at the stars. She was really starting to worry now.

"Hey Hope."

Hope turned her head so quickly that she even made Steve jump back a little; she hadn't even heard come up through the window. As she shuffled around to make room for him under the quilt, she noticed he got a pretty good shiner and a whole in his lip. She noticed something else, too; something more important. There was a look on her brother's face that worried her. Steve Randle does not let people see when he's hurting. He wouldn't have even let Hope seem him in this much pain before their mother died. Something big was eating at her brother and not knowing was driving Hope crazy.

"Dad's out, you know. You could have gone back inside," he said, slinging his arm around Hope's slouched figure.

"You know I like it up here," she replied moving a little closer to her big brother. In all honesty, she hadn't even noticed. "What happened tonight?" She felt Steve tighten up at the question. "Steve? Steve-O. Look at me. What happened? Did you guys loose?"

"No, sis, we won. We won real good, too." So that wasn't the answer.

"Steve, please. Something else happened didn't it?" he slowly nodded, his gaze not meeting Hope's. Hope slowly reached out and turned her brother's face towards her own. "Please, tell me what happened."

Steve took a deep, shaky breath and began. He told his sister everything. Johnny and Dally were dead. Dead. And worse, Steve saw Dally die. Maybe that's why Steve let a few tears stream down his face; he got to see how his mother died. Hope wiped his tears away with her thumb, taking care around his bruised eye. It was all too much for Hope-Johnny, Dally, her mother, the Curtis'. She didn't understand why people had to die, especially before they were supposed to.

Normally, Hope hates crying, even in front of Steve, but she couldn't stop her tears. Steve just held Hope tight to his chest and allowed her to cry. Hope finally managed to get a hold of herself, and with a shaky breath she lifted her head to look at her brother. He returned her earlier gesture and wiped away the last few tears from her brown eyes. Hope rested her chin on her knees, trying to process the million thoughts racing through her head.

"What's on your mind, kid?" Steve asked. Hope just turned to face her brother.

"Who says there's something on my mind?"

"You did." Hope looked confused. "You were biting your lip- you always do that when you get to thinking real hard. So, out with it, girly," Steve answered. Hope managed a half smile despite her mood. She really did love her brother.

" I don't know. It's just weird knowing they won't be around anymore. I can't really explain it." Hope blinked back a couple more tears. She wasn't around her brother's friends all the time, but it was still hard to accept the reality of never seeing Johnny or Dally again. She couldn't even imagine how Steve must be feeling.

"Yeah. I get what you mean." Hope could hear Steve's breaths getting shaky again, so she rested her head on his shoulder and took his hand in hers. She didn't really know what to say, but she knew she didn't have to say anything. By themselves, they didn't really need words- just each other.

"You ready for bed, kid?"

"Steve, don't call me kid." Hope yawned right after the words left her mouth.

"I'll take that as a yes," he said. He turned and climbed down the four uneven bricks they used as a ladder and went through the window into his bedroom. I handed him the quilt from above, climbed down the bricks, and took Steve's outstretched hand to go through the window. Hope just stood there for a second. She glanced at Steve's untidy bed, and desperately wished she was still a little ten year old girl afraid of thunderstorms. Steve used to let her climb into bed with him whenever she got scared or lonely as long as she "promised not to go squealing about it to anybody," But now she was fifteen, and it was time to grow up. She looked up and Steve's eyes locked with hers. She felt her heart sink when she realized the look in Steve's eyes confirmed what she had just been thinking. Steve reached out and gave Hope's hand a little squeeze: Steve-speak for "Sorry, kid. We all grow up."

"Well, g'night," Hope said. She decided to leave the quilt with Steve tonight, so she set it on his bed and turned to leave.

"Yeah. Hey Hope?" Hope stopped and turned to face her brother in response. Steve walked toward his sister and wrapped his arms around her. Hope felt a few tears escape and she quickly pulled away to wipe her eyes. She really did hate to cry. She shook her hair in front of her face in a feeble attempt to block her face from Steve's sight. Steve just smiled. He gently pushed all the loose brown hair back away from her face and pecked the top of his sister's head.

"I love you, loser."

"I love you too, jerk," Hope responded. She shut the door behind her and tiptoed down the hall into her bedroom.

She didn't even change her clothes before she crawled into bed. She couldn't understand why Johnny and Dally dying had hit her so hard. Steve's the reason they were even a part of her life anyways. That was it: they- all the guys- were still a part of her life. Ok, she was usually "Randle's kid sister," but that doesn't mean they ignored her all the time. She inwardly smiled as she thought of the time when her and Two-Bit's sister, Kelly Jo, were at the movies. Some guy in Tim's gang was bothering them and Dally showed up and told him to get lost. Or the time when she was ten and she fell off the swing set and scraped her knee- Darry saw her crying on his way home from school and brought her to his mom, who fixed her knee and she waited there with Ponyboy for Steve to walk her home. They weren't best friends, but they were a part of her life; a part of her life was now missing.

Feeling more alone than she had in a long time, she closed her eyes and willed herself into a dreamless sleep.


	3. Author's Note: I'M BACK!

Author's Note:

Hi all! Ok, I started this story years ago (literally). I had some personal/family issues and was in no state to write for a good while. However, all that is past and I'm in a good place once again. I reread the novel and am absolutely DETERMINED to finish this story. I still have so many ideas I want to see brought to life. I believe in my idea and can finally make it happen again!

So, I will probably continue with the established format: Little mini-chapters in between the "real" ones (for lack of a better term). The mini-chapters will most likely be descriptive information that I really like but couldn't fit into the flow of the longer chapters. They still serve the overall plot and provide information relevant to the story. I thought this would be a good way to incorporate more detailed/descriptive information I really want in the story without ruining the flow of the prose. Just an idea. It may not work. Let's experiment

Reviews, Constructive Criticism, and Suggestions are more than welcome.


	4. Unwelcome Changes

" _Our siblings. They resemble us just enough to make all their differences confusing, and no matter what we choose to make of this, we are cast in relation to them our whole lives long." ~Susan Scarf Merrell_

* * *

"Dammit," Hope growled and tugged at her shirt as she looked in the mirror. It was bad enough she was wearing a skirt. Over the past few weeks, she abruptly discovered that her school shirts, which had fit her comfortably in the fall, were all becoming uncomfortably tight around her chest. Not to mention her favorite pants were all suddenly pulling funny around her hips. She stared at the mildly strained buttons and shook her head. _Life was so much easier without these... things. Why the hell did they have to show up? Kelly's the one that wants 'em so bad. Well she can have 'em. _The logical part of Hope's brain was trying to tell her that this is what happens at 15. Of course, she ignored it. Hope turned sideways and continued to examine herself. This was simply not going to work. Thank god school let out in two days. _Bad enough I had to buy new bras last week. Now I need new…everything. Swell._

Steve had been the major figure in Hope's life since their mom died. Growing up with Steve Randle as a role model meant a few things. It meant Hope knew more about sports than shopping, chose jeans over skirts, and was more scared of doing fancy make-up than getting dirty. It also meant that she was better prepared to repair an internal combustion engine in the middle of a deserted highway with only gum and duct tape than to deal with mentally and physically becoming a woman. She knew she would have to deal with _this_ sooner or later, she just wished it was later instead of right this second.

"Kid, if you don't get movin' we're both gonna be late!"

"Hold your horses, Steven. Five minutes!" Hope replied as she gave her shirt another fierce tug. She hated clothes. She especially hated having to wrestle with them. "I need to borrow a shirt," she shouted as she peeled off her blouse.

"Fer what?"

"Don't worry about fer what. I just need one!" Hope cocked her head and waited for an answer.

"Fine, ya sass-mouth. Any of the ones in my second drawer are fine," he answered. "And you're down to two minutes!"

Hope stuck her head out her door. When she was sure Steve couldn't see her from the landing, she shot down the hall to his room. Hope smirked as she opened the allowed drawer. _No wonder. If I ever saw my brother in a button down, I'd die of shock. _She grabbed the first one she saw- some black and white checker print number- and threw it on as she returned to her room. She tied the shirt at her waistband and rolled up the sleeves as she looked in the mirror, making sure that her chest was sufficiently hidden. She shrugged and slid into her shoes. _Better than before. It's only school. _

"That's it! You're walkin'!" Hope felt her nostrils flare. Steve had only had that stupid truck for three weeks. He wasn't allowed to use it as blackmail yet.

"Hush up, crabby! I'm coming!" Hope slung her school bag over her shoulder and snatched her red bandana off her dresser as she rushed to the kitchen. "You know dad sets these clocks 15 minutes fast so he's on time for work, right?"

"Yeah. Still, sooner I get to Soda's, sooner he gets movin'. You know how pretty-boy is in the mornin'. " Steve turned to see his sister using the toaster as a mirror to tie her bandana into a headband. "He's as bad as you are, ya princess."

Hope just stuck her tongue out in response.

Steve surveyed his sister and raised an eyebrow. "Since when do you wear skirts to school?"

Hope narrowed her hazel eyes. _Since they're all that fit me right. _"Since when do you care?"

"I don't."

"They why bother askin'?"

" To annoy you."

"You do that very well."

"I know."

" I though you were in a hurry?" Hope shot back through half clenched teeth.

Steve smirked and casually threw his DX shirt over his shoulder. He strutted over to the front door and motioned towards it with his free hand. "After you," he said, in a nauseatingly high voice. Hope pursed her lips and stomped out the door, taking care to make sure it slammed in Steve's face.

"Rude."

"I learned from the best."

"Smartass."

"Again, learned from the best," she said over her shoulder as Steve locked the door.

"You do realize I can make you walk?"

"Yeah, right. Good one." She sighed and gave her shirt another tug away from her body as Steve unlocked the car.

"You're gonna get it one of these days, Hope." It was hard to take his threats seriously while he smiled.

"Noted. Now let's go." Hope hopped into the truck, and they made their way to the Curtis' house.

* * *

"_This business of womanhood is a heavy burden." – Tsitsi Dangarembga_

__Let me know what you think! I'll hopefully have the next chapter up in a few days...today or tomorrow if I'm lucky :)


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